Today, I want to talk about something deeply personal and important: how to recognize when staying in a relationship is costing you more than leaving.

Last Sunday, I was asked a question that made me pause: “Why did you stay in your unhappiness for so long—27 years?” My answer was simple but powerful: I didn’t know how to get out. I was so consumed by the fear of what I would lose—my house, my status, my reputation. I thought about how it would upset my son, how my life would unravel if I made the choice to leave. And so, I stayed.

Maybe you’ve felt the same. Maybe you’re staying in a relationship that no longer brings you joy, that weighs you down more than it lifts you up. And maybe you, like me, don’t know how to get out.

It’s hard to admit when we’ve outgrown something or someone. The fear of loss can feel overwhelming. But the truth is, the longer we stay in situations that don’t nourish our souls, the more we lose pieces of ourselves. We shrink, we settle, we silence our own needs. And that unhappiness becomes a constant companion.

Here are a few signs that may be telling you it’s time to let go:

You feel more drained than uplifted. A healthy relationship is one that fills you with energy, love, and support. If your relationship is draining you—emotionally, mentally, or physically—it’s a sign that something needs to change.

You’ve lost touch with your true self. In the effort to keep things together, have you started to lose parts of who you are? Do you find yourself sacrificing your happiness, your values, or your dreams just to maintain the relationship? When you can’t be your authentic self, that’s a sign that the relationship is no longer serving you.

Fear keeps you from leaving. If the thought of leaving makes you focus only on what you’ll lose—your house, your status, your reputation—it’s a sign that fear is controlling the narrative. But ask yourself, what will you lose if you stay? How much more of yourself will be left behind?

You stay for the sake of others. Many of us stay because we’re worried about how leaving will affect those we love, especially our children. But here’s the truth: Your happiness matters. And when you show your children that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being, you teach them an invaluable lesson about self-worth.

How do you begin to get out? The first step is acknowledging the truth. Sit with the discomfort of realizing that your happiness has been put on hold, and then start imagining what a different, more fulfilling life could look like. It doesn’t mean you have to make a sudden leap, but it does mean that you start taking small steps toward choosing yourself again. Whether it’s opening up to a trusted friend, seeking guidance, or even just writing down your thoughts—each step will bring you closer to your own freedom.

I know it’s hard. I know that the weight of fear and uncertainty can feel suffocating. But let me tell you something I’ve learned: staying in unhappiness will always cost you more in the long run than the courage it takes to leave.

Let’s close with a simple prayer for clarity and courage:

Dear Lord,

Grant me the clarity to see my worth and the courage to choose happiness, even when the road ahead is unclear. Help me to trust that You have a plan for me beyond my fear, and that in choosing myself, I am choosing the life You have called me to live. Give me strength to let go of what no longer serves me, and to step forward with faith and grace. Amen.